


Sheev Palpatine Regrets It All

by destiny919



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gay Anakin Skywalker, M/M, Manipulative Sheev Palpatine, Mind Control, Movie: Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, Sheev Palpatine's Inner Monologue, Sort Of, The Dark Side Is Just Compulsory Heterosexuality, i'm a bit disturbed by how easily the voice of a megalomaniac came to me, if you're an anidala fan this is Not the fic for you, padme isn’t evil she’s the one being mind controlled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16617800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destiny919/pseuds/destiny919
Summary: "Well?" he said impatiently.Amidala hung her head. "There is nothing I can do, my lord. He...he informs me that he is not interested in women. He is not attracted to them."Sidious dropped his comm.





	Sheev Palpatine Regrets It All

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is based upon a twofold au: 1. anakin skywalker is fucking gay thanks for coming to my TED talk, and 2. padme amidala was mind-controlled to seduce him during episode ii. (my brain, upon thinking of that: finally, an explanation). i don't mean to hate on her or anidala. if i did, you'd know it. 
> 
> i had a LOT of fun writing sheev's angry little inner voice.

"Tell me." Sidious steepled his fingers. "How is your seduction of Skywalker progressing?"

"Poorly," Padme Amidala replied in monotone. "He shows very little interest."

The Sith Master frowned. "What of his childhood crush?"

"He laughs about it now. I have done all I could to remind him and it has no effect."

"What have you done, exactly?" Sidious' voice had gone silky and dangerous. Truly, it wasn't the girl's fault if this plan didn't work. She actually could not be blamed for anything - her mind had not been her own in some years, since Sidious chose the pretty young new Senator from his home planet, his own former protegee, as his new most valuable pawn.

Oh, certainly, Tyranus would be the face of the Separatists, and was a powerful warrior, but Amidala provided the illusion of an opposing voice in the Senate, a liberal leader they could rally behind and all the while serve his agenda.

Her former connection with Skywalker was meant to blossom into an even greater weapon in the Sith's hidden arsenal. 

Amidala would seduce the boy, and their affair serve purposes manyfold. She would be a dangerous attachment for Skywalker - such a vulnerable young woman, with no Jedi training, and always somehow stumbling into more and more dangerous situations where she had no business being...

She would also be an extra conduit through which to influence Skywalker, a way in that Skywalker himself would take pains to conceal. The Jedi were already aware of "Chancellor Palpatine's" sway over the boy, and he knew for certain that Kenobi at least already distrusted him.

Ugh -  _ Kenobi!  _ The Jedi as a whole were an obvious thorn in Sidious' side, but Kenobi was the worst of all, especially where Skywalker was concerned!

It would not be difficult to alienate Skywalker from the Jedi, even by himself. The boy's passionate and mercurial nature put him constantly at odds with their most fundamental doctrine. If it was only the Jedi Order at large Sidious had to contend with, adding Amidala to the mix would actually make it so easy he'd have to take pains to delay Skywalker's Fall until the right time; having a secret love, forbidden by the Jedi, would surely eclipse Skywalker's desire to be one of those self-denying cretins who didn't even deserve the lightsabers they wielded.

Except for Kenobi. 

Kenobi had complicated everything. He'd been the object of many of Sidious' hate-filled meditations even before taking on Skywalker as his Padawan. He killed Maul, a very promising apprentice, and touched upon the Dark while doing so, and then didn't even have the common decency to Fall himself altogether and therefore make himself the obvious perfect replacement for the Sith apprentice he'd killed!

And now Skywalker positively adored the man. Talked about him constantly - often complaining, quite vociferously, and yet he refused to hear a word against the man! The slightest hint of criticism, even agreeing a bit too much with his caterwauling, could send Skywalker storming out of his office, or at least require quite a lot of effort to keep him from doing so. 

Sidious had tried every angle. He's even delicately hinted at the boy's former slave status - always a festering sore spot, so delicious to exploit - and implied that he should chafe against calling Kenobi "Master" and that Kenobi and the Jedi Order are deplorable for making someone of Skywalker's background do it. There's an extra layer of delight in that particular strategy for Sidious, thinking about the irony that the boy will one day be calling  _ him _ Master regardless of his preference.

But that strategy never worked.

When Sidious brought it up, Skywalker immediately launched into an earnest explanation about the long talk he'd had about the title with "Obi-Wan." How the freshly minted Jedi Knight had softly informed Anakin that given his past, he would never be made to address Obi-Wan as "Master," and even if he did, the meaning was entirely different. Obi-Wan explained, Skywalker told him with starry eyes, that addressing Jedi elders and mentors as "Master" preceded the spread of Basic to the Outer Rim and the idea of slave "masters." Slavers had  _ stolen  _ the word, Skywalker said in outrage, and a slave turned Jedi was taking it back. So he called Kenobi "Master" with relish. 

And over the years, when Sidious had been forced to observe them together, he used it as more a kind of  _ pet name _ than anything else. It was disgusting.

So, Kenobi was Skywalker's strongest attachment, one that Sidious could not erode no matter what he whispered in the boy's ear. And so long as that remained, Skywalker would never leave the Jedi, let alone betray them and lead the Purge as Sidious had decreed was his destiny.

Amidala - Amidala was supposed to be the wedge he could drive between Skywalker and Kenobi. Sidious could have chosen a different pawn among his opposition in the Senate, although Amidala was already the ideal candidate - beautiful, popular, believed intelligent and a much-needed idealist. His own past role in shaping her mind also made her exceptionally easy to not only manipulate but outright control, with minimal power exerted by Sidious. However, he could admit at least to himself and the Dark Side, that Amidala's most attractive quality was as a perfect in with Skywalker when the time came - as it had now. Galaxy on the eve of Civil War, Skywalker mere months from being Knighted and hopefully separated from Kenobi...

So he orchestrated the threat to darling Senator Amidala's life, and had her request Kenobi and Skywalker as her protection detail - an eminently reasonable choice, given their past successes on behalf of Naboo and its Queen Padme. 

Amidala would seduce Skywalker. Kenobi would be removed from their presence by the Kaminoans, and Tyranus would start the war. All according to Sidious' plans, as the Dark Side had told him things would unfold. 

This was not according to plan.

"I have worn my loveliest gowns," came Amidala's affect-less voice. "I have flattered him and presented myself in an equally flattering light. Last night we shared a meal by candlelight. I tried inviting him to feed me a pear and he just ate it himself."

"So...nothing?" he demanded.

"Nothing. He is very polite and friendly, but has shown no sexual or romantic interest."

"Why?" Sidious roared. "You are beautiful! You are charming! I have made sure of it!"

"Yes, my lord."

"Find out," he ordered her. "Find out why!"

He hung up.

The followup call came in the morning - the next evening on Naboo.

"Well?" he said impatiently.

Amidala hung her head. "There is nothing I can do, my lord. He...he informs me that he is not interested in women. He is not attracted to them."

Sidious dropped his comm.

He screamed into the choking Dark.  _ Why did you not show me this? _

The Dark Side seemed almost...sheepish.  _ We could not foresee it, Darth Sidious,  _ it whispered apologetically.  _ Skywalker's feelings are purely of the Light. _

_ Feelings? _ Sidious shrieked.  _ Feelings for  _ whom?

_ We cannot see. _ The Dark slunk away, aware it had failed its greatest living champion. 

He picked up his comm. "My lord?" Amidala was repeating robotically. "My lord? I cannot hang up until you dismiss me. My lord?"

"Skywalker has feelings for someone," Sidious snarled. "Find out who, without arousing suspicion, as quickly as you can."

"Yes, my lord."

It was two full Coruscant days - just over three on Naboo - before Amidala commed him again. Sidious spent those days in a maelstrom of hate and fury, and for once those powerful Dark emotions did not heighten his abilities enough to divine a solution to this most recent frustration.

This is more than a frustration - more than some Senator introducing legislature that he'll have a hard time slapping down, more than some Jedi thwarting one of his smaller plots. Why, this is practically an  _ indignity.  _ Sidious' powers of precognition, amplified by an accommodating Dark Side, are his distinguishing ability as a Sith. They are what allowed him to eliminate Plagueis, and rise to the role of Chancellor, with all his delicate pieces in place on the dejarik board.

And he could not foresee  _ this?  _ It was unconscionable. 

Amidala's news somehow managed to make it even worse.

"It's Kenobi, my lord," she said. "He is in love with his Jedi Master."

Sidious was very glad he chose to take this call in his private apartments and not his office, because he let out an unearthly shriek and his comm exploded in his fist.

If Skywalker felt such outrage, every window in the apartment would have shattered. And that immense power was supposed to be his! His, dammit! His to rule the galaxy with the Jedi's Chosen One at his feet!

Not in love with  _ Kenobi! _

Sidious' chest heaved while he mastered himself. He now regrets his ruined comm. He should have learned more details first. Does Kenobi know? Does he reciprocate? Could Sidious still use this somehow?

He was very reluctant to try manipulating something that seemed to be beyond the comprehension of the Dark Side itself. He had gotten this far on prescience and  _ prudence.  _ And Kenobi has proven himself unreachable by all of Chancellor Palpatine's charms.

Perhaps what this meant was that he must redouble - triple! - his plans and efforts to have Kenobi eliminated. The war was coming in mere days, the Jedi would be generals, it would be  _ easy.  _ And surely the loss of his  _ Master,  _ who was also his great love (which would counteract the grounding influence from being the first), would push Skywalker to the very edge of the Dark Side. And Sidious could coax him the rest of the way through other means.

Yes. Sidious relaxed back into his chair. Yes. He could work with this.

He just had to kill Kenobi.

**Author's Note:**

> i yell more about star wars on my [tumblr](http://tarvek-sturmvoraus.tumblr.com/)


End file.
